


Illusions of loss

by AtticusLars



Series: Dealings in revenge [2]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, Feels, Lui is a sad boi, Nogla has issues, OC antagonists - Freeform, Sad, the guys missed Nogla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 09:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtticusLars/pseuds/AtticusLars
Summary: “Nogla.” the man froze, it had been a very long time since someone had spoken that name.





	Illusions of loss

“Nogla.” the man froze, it had been a very long time since someone had spoken that name. He turned, brown eyes wide and fists curled at his sides. He blinked at the skinny, tan skinned man who stared up at him with tears brimming in his dark eyes. The man let out a breath, heat coursing through his body and heart beginning to rush.

  
“Lui?” he asked and the shorter man squeezed his eyes closed, arms wrapping around himself. Nogla knit his eyebrows and came closer, looking at the young man with concern. “Lui?” he repeated and the man, one could argue he was still a boy, let out a hitching sob. Nogla swallowed and tentatively placed a hand on Lui’s shoulder, crouching down slightly. “Hey,” he said gently and the young man cried sharply and buried his face into Nogla’s chest. Nogla fell back slightly, wrapping his arms around the man he’d once called his best friend.

  
“I thought…” Lui choked and Nogla ran a hand over his friend’s hair.

  
“Shhh, let it out first.” he soothed and Lui pressed his face harder to his friend’s chest, listening to the steady beat of a heart and the rise and fall that came with his gentle breathing. They stood like that for several minutes, until Lui gathered himself and pulled away, eyes rimmed with red and tear stains down his cheeks. Nogla sighed and gave him a tired smile.  
“S’pose we hafta go talk now.” Lui nodded and kept his eyes down, his lips pressed firmly together. Nogla took his head and led him down the street, mind filled with questions.

 

* * *

 

“We all thought you were dead.” Lui said softly as he curled his fingers around a steaming mug of tea. “Everyone saw you….you were covered in so much blood….there were so many places where they...where they hurt you.” even with the reassurance that Nogla was still alive, Lui felt himself grow angry with the memory. “There was no way you were alive... your face was too….it was…” he trailed off and looked up at the irishman, confusion in his dark eyes.

“How did you…?”

  
“I don’t know.” Nogla shrugged, and Lui can’t remember a time when Nogla was this serious, this pained and sad. It felt wrong to see. “I just woke up, feeling like ‘ell and having this man take control of my life for like, ever.” Nogla tried for something resembling humor and pursed his lips when Lui only stared back with the same tearful, confusion. “...he fixed me up, and...well the only traces of that night are my nightmares and the scars.” he pointed first to his arms, which were crisscrossed with white lines and then to his face, which now that they were in better lighting, Lui could see how scarred it was. Lui felt anger rise in his chest when he saw the marks, the marks of the men he and the rest of the guys had killed.

  
“Nogla...we hunted them down...we tortured them,” Lui mumbled, and the Irishman's eyes darkened.

  
“Good. Those bastards deserved that. I wish I could’ve seen it” he smiled, and Lui felt something shift inside of him seeing it. Nogla was not supposed to be this way, cut up and happy over pain. He was supposed to be grinning idiotically and laughing over stupid jokes, not smiling sadistically over the torture and murder of so many men.

  
“Nogla...we did so many terrible things to them….so many terrible unforgivable things. We were so angry.” Lui continued, his fingers tapping nervously. “Evan… there was no stopping him, or me, or anyone. No one wanted to believe you’d died.” Nogla drained a glass of something, Lui guessed alcoholic, and sat back. His eyes were still dark and Lui found himself slightly afraid of the man, especially hearing the edge to his voice.

  
“They knew you would act that way.” he said and his voice was so much colder, so haunted. Lui shivered. “They wanted people to be afraid of you….they wanted to turn you into monsters. I don’t even think they wanted me. I wasn’t important...but I was easy.” Nogla glared at Lui. “I was easy because I was dumb...and naive. All of you knew that and you let me be that way. Why? ‘Cause it was funny.”

 

“Nogla…”

  
“Shut up.” it was a hiss and Lui’s eyes went wide, his heart racing. “You liked me being the dumb one. I was the comic relief. Nobody really cared, not really. I was the kid-brother.” Nogla sneered and Lui shook his head.

  
“No! You weren’t...it...it wasn’t like that.” he protested but the irishman was already looming above him.

  
“Don’t fucking pretend. You know how it was. I can’t handle anything less than that. Don’t tell me I wasn’t seen as the ‘funny’ one.” Lui swallowed and averted his eyes from the shadow of the man he once knew.

  
“I’m sorry…I never meant...” Nogla sighed and softened,

  
“I know you are...you never treated me like I was slow. It was the rest of them.” Nogla curled his fists. “I mean there were times when I felt loved, felt included. But then there was the jokes and the pranks and the laughter at my expense. Do you know how much that hurt?” Lui opened his mouth but Nogla cut him off. “Don’t apologize, I don’t want to hear a sorry. At least not from you…I’m not mad at you, I don’t think I ever could.” Lui took a shuddering breath.

  
“You say no one cared about you...but you didn’t see how much your ‘death’ affected them. They felt like they failed you, they fucking loved you Nogla...not just for jokes or laughs, but because of who you were.” he paused at the reddening of his once best friend’s face.

  
“Young and stupid you mean.” he spat and Lui shook his head, tears forming. This was not the Nogla he knew, this wasn’t the Nogla he loved.

  
“No, never. You were so bright against the jobs we had, the pasts we had. You made everything about our group happier. Yes, part of it was because you weren’t hardened and super mature. You were different from us in a way we were jealous of. You came from a good family, a good life, not what most of us had to deal with. You were sane, you were mentally stable...that was something to cherish and love and protect and Daithi...we failed. We failed to keep you safe, and now you’re bitter and sad and alone and I’m sorry.” Lui hid his face behind his hands and sobbed, refusing to look up at the man he had been convinced, up to a few hours ago, was dead.

  
Nogla stood with a dumbfounded expression, his mind frantically going through memories. Slowly some of his anger started to melt and he settled himself beside Lui. “I’m sorry.” Lui sobbed and Nogla held him to his side.

  
“No...I’m sorry,” he whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what I'm doing. I wrote this at 1 am so.... also I like to make my child suffer I guess.


End file.
